Basically, I have the hardest time actually getting to sleep. Once I'm asleep I'm fine, but getting there is the tricky part. So I use the aid of a mild sedative called Ambien. It is the only thing that has ever helped me fall asleep.
Saturday night I took it while my girlfriend and her friend was there. They recorded everything I said and did, and this is what they recorded:
Playing guitar
Sang me a song about snowboarding
Really likes making out when he’s on ambien. I kept telling him that he wouldn’t remember it and he got really sad, so he asked if we could take a picture.
Chewed on my ear…
Went and brushed his teeth, couldn’t walk
Kept falling over when he was in the bathroom
Said he needed to go pee before bed, but didn’t shut the door. I did
Came out…got in bed. Was uncomfortable so he changed his shirt in front of us
“You pushed me!” Thought I pushed him on his face on the bed.
Since he was on his knees, he decided to say prayers…out loud with all of us.
“Dear Heavenly Father, we’re thankful for this day and all our blessings. We’re thankful for no one getting hurt snowboarding today. Thankful for good friends, happy people, devin’s new snowboards, thankful that we were able to get everything done, get done, git er done. Thankful for Jesus and the atonement.”
*Tried to get in bed by rolling over his head. Couldn’t do it. Finally got in and I tried to tuck his legs in. “Here I’ll help you.” *lifts legs*
Remind me that we want to go fly our carriage in the skies.
Tell the people with the pink hats to stop staring at me. It’s weird.
Said Kelly could do better than Devin. “You’re a good girl.”
Fell asleep for a split second, “hey”
I’d been talking to him for 20 minutes or more and he said, “I didn’t know you were here!”
“Who did you think you were talking to?” I don’t know
“I am an impenetrable force-tress.” (Referring to a comment about how if we were both on ambien, we would do naughty things.)
Had him sing his abc’s. He said, abcdefghijklmnopqxyzwxyz, those are my abc’s, come and join me won’t you please?
Backwards…on tape!
*after watching the tape* I could do better than that guy. I’ll show him.
“Hey josh…remember when we made out?” “No we didn’t. Kelly, why would you let me do that when you know I have a girlfriend.”
“Why did you leave me alone with Kelly? She made a weird face at me.”
“Kelly, I miss you, *holds hand out* that wasn’t a high five.” “What did you want?” “To hold hands” 3 minutes later *opens eyes* “Why are we holdings hands? I didn’t want to hold them that long.” “I like Danna’s hands.”
“Josh would you marry me?” “Wow…that’s a scary question. I don’t like that.”
“Would you marry Kelly?” “I don’t know. She’s cool, I like her, maybe. She’s Jacob’s sister, which is weird. But maybe”
“Did you have fun snowboarding today?” “Yeah” “Am I a bad snowboarder?” “Yes.”
“How bad?” “Oh I don’t know. What’s the scale.” “1-10” “what’s worst.” “10” “Oh, you’re way up there. Like 6 or 5.”
“You’re a good kisser for not someone without experience.”
*saw the picture of us kissing* “Who are you kissing? Are you cheating on me?”
“No, Josh that’s you.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “Who would I cheat on you with?” “I don’t know, Spencer.”
“What a green ity?” “I didn’t get to see her in it”
“If it was a really hot celebrity, I would break up with you first.”
“What’s the theme? Oh yeah,
“Do you like Mexicans?” “Yeah, they’re alright.”
“Do you like black people?” “I see what you’re doing. You’re sneaky.” “Yeah, I like them. Some are dumb. There are intelligent idiots and idiot idiots. I call them niggers. They are stupid.”
“I’ll never be embarrassed over calling someone a nigger.”
So I am nuts on Ambien. I am obviously more comfortable on it than I have ever been before. I would like to think I would not normally say some of those things while not under the influence. At least my friends get a kick out of me getting quality sleep.
4 comments:
You Gotta Love AJ!
Who is AJ? And I'm glad that you thanked God for my snowboards. Without him of course, I couldn't have got them.
who is aj? really?
and holy crap. that night was INCREDIBLE. danna's a good rememberer of things.
you're a wise man, aj.
ambien josh!
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